The Quest for the Watermelon
by The Flying Cabbage
Summary: The BBC would like to apologize for this crazy person. She has read and watched too much silly things and needed to vent her CRAZYNESS! a strange fic mostly about WoT and LotR, with some SoT and HHGTTG in it and many Monty Python references. Please Review
1. Setting... A Quest, A Quest!

Disclamer: I do not own The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, any of Robert Jordan's characters: Rand, Perrin, Mat(but OO how I wish I owned Matt! instead of that Tuon grr); any of Terry Goodkind's Characters: Zedd, or Richard, (I invented Frank but based him on Terry Goodkind); any of Tolkein's characters: Gandalf, Bilbo, Merry, or Pippin; nor do I own any of Ann Rice's characters (but they are really cool!): David and Lestat.

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BACKGROUND:

From the script of _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the Eighth Dimension_

Meanwhile, NEW JERSEY and RENO NEVADA are searching another lab. They pass racks of equipment, including a large watermelon clamped into some sort of apparatus.

NEW JERSEY:

Why is there a watermelon there?

RENO NEVADA:

I'll tell you later.

Yet in the whole rest of the movie, the viewer doesn't find out what happened to the watermelon! (that's all you need to know of the movie, but it is funny!)

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NOW to the story:

Rand Al'Thor, Mat Cauthon (he makes my heart go pitta patta), Perrin Aybara, Zeddicus Zul-Zorander, Richard Rahl, some random other brother of Richard's named Frank, Perigrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Gandalf the Grey/White, David Talbot, Lestat (ahh, what I wouldn't give for a rock star vampire!), Zaphoid Beatlebrox, Arthur Dent and a few other people had just finished watching _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the Eighth Dimension_ and were wondering what really _did_ happen to that watermelon.

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Rand: That was an interesting movie!

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Perrin: For once, something that takes my mind off wolves!

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Merry: What really _did_ happen to that watermelon?

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Pippin: I DUUN'T NUU!

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David: Wow, for once something of which there isn't a file in the archives of the Talmasca! (not that I'm part of them anymore!) That's something I need to find out about.

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Mat: NUU! not another adventure! anyone up for dice?

*Lestat takes him up on it because a many year old vampire has money to lose, but he could probably end up winning it back in cards with his psychic abilities, and he doesn't much care about watermelon as he can't eat it, well, eating is underrated anyway*

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Gandalf: I'll go gather a motley crew and force Bilbo to come help us discover the secrets of the watermelon, but of course I won't come because I'm too high and mighty.

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Zedd: Hah! some wizard you are! I help my Grandson willingly!

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Richard: Well, you _did_ kill my Grandfather, and all you did in terms of sending people on odd quests was name me Seeker but on the other hand, you kept on getting thrown somewhere else.

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Frank: Whell, I'm evil because all of Richard's brothers just happen to be so, ergo I shall attempt to thwart you all! MoOhAHa!

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Richard: yeah, but they all end up dying anyway so it doesn't matter. But what I wouldn't give for a brother who isn't fell

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Rand: Let's all, as good guys succeed! Who's coming with us on our froody journey?

*Everyone except for Mat and Zaphoid agree, and eventually they ends up going on the adventure anyway because they're always dragged into it--poor things.*


	2. Packing Up and Getting Ready

DISCLAIMER: characters from Robert Jordan, Terry Goodkind, JRR Tolkien, Douglas Adams, and Ann Rice

Note: I'm getting bored of script form so I may just go back and forth

"Bring only what you need and are willing to carry"

****

Scene: Tear, Aiel waste, Caemlyn, and Two Rivers–The Third Age

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Tear: Rand packs up Callendor and put it under that weaving thing again. He travels to the Aiel waste and Caemlyn to smuggle his harem (haruuuuuumm! _inside joke_) along. _Shift to The Two Rivers. _Perrin argues with Faile about weather or not she should go. "We're just a whole lot of rowdy boys! You wouldn't appreciate our jokes, they won't appreciate you being there, you didn't see the movie," etc. etc., typical husband-wife stuff. Eventually Perrin allowed Faile to go ("just watch the movie first so you won't hinder us!") Faile watched the movie and then decided Perrin was being stupid and could have just told him about the one scene. Shift to some random place where rich people gamble Mat carefully packs his dice, some clothes (NOT pink!) and his Ashendari. Tuon sneaks along after him as he leaves.

****

Scene: Middle Earth, Third Age

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The Shire: Merry and Pippin carefully pack some MAASHROOMZE and pipeweed with their trusty pipes. They make sure that their swords stay in their scabbards _(NUU! Lauren dirtied my mind!!!)_ and they pack along with their clothes some extra dresses and lipstick, just in case. Frodo and Sam pack some condoms and lubricant because they're smarter than M and P (but nowhere near as cool!) _Shift to Rivendell_ Bilbo packs his cheap 25 cent ring from K-Mart he uses as a replacement ("I just don't feel right without one!") and his little red book. Gandalf packs his _Guidebook to being elsewhere when people need you_ and swimming trunks, heading off to Gondolin for a vacation.

****

Scene: The Mattress planet of Sqornshellous Zeta

Zem flolloped around and flurbled: "Voon! I would like to come on this journey!"

****

Scene: A blue-green planet orbiting a small unregarded yellow sun far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy

"Zark!" said Arthur as his bag changed into another bag 10 times as he was packing it.

****

Scene: With the Mud People

Khalan packs 2 white confessor dresses and many practical clothes. She wouldn't dream of leaving Richard!! Cara packs her red, brown, and white leather outfits because she _can't_ leave Kalahn or Richard alone! Richard gets ready to go as well


	3. Meeting Up Together

DISCLAIMER: not mine (btw, I'm weaving out Lestat and David because they are too cool and very unlike these other chars.)

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Meeting Up Together

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Since only the Hobbits cannot Travel, Hitchhike through parallel universes, or take the Sliph, the crew decided to meet at Rivendell. When they got there, Mat was surprised to see Tuon behind him. "What are you doing here?" he growled. Kahlan and Tuon commenced to treat each other like servants. Kahlan's hair was so long Tuon thought she must be _lower_ then Da'covle (sp?) and Kahlan wondered what the poor girl had done in order to be so low of a servant. "Take my bags, girl" they both said to each other at once. As obviously the other did not seem to comply with those orders, they commenced to stare menacingly at each other. (note: I know this doesn't seem like Kahlan, but I _needed_ to put this in!). Everyone stared at Zem, eventually Mat, who was tired, said, "I don't care if it flaming moves!" and proceeded to sleep on it. Lucky for him (duh!) Zem stopped flolloping and at that moment fell asleep as well.

At that moment, Gandalf was enjoying himself and wondering how much trouble the others were getting into. He decided to stop thinking about that and enjoy himself, and proceeded to call his Benz (a.k.a. the Great Eagle) so he could go for a ride (look dad! a pony!!).

Back in the Shire, Merry and Pippin were sidetracked doingstuff (which I won't elaborate on because I don't feel like making an R fic). Sam and Frodo were romantically strolling along, late as usual because they just had to have all their meals (and make sweet love, though not as sweet of love as M and P have!) Bilbo is wondering where Frodo was because he couldn't wait to see his sexy hobbit ass (AAAAAAHHHHH! Incest!) Frodo and Sam show up 15 minutes later with big odd grins on their faces.

Richard and Rand were deeply engaged in a talk about what it's like to be a ruler of a large mass of people and have magic everyone else relied on. Perrin was carefully averting his eyes from all other types of women and attempting to talk with Zedd about random things while Faile became jealous. _Who knows?" _she thought,_ "he _could_ be bi. Like those odd short people!_ Perrin smelt her jealousy and became confused. He then hunched over in a corner to show he wasn't interacting with anyone and proceeded to listen to his Nirvana CD (hey, he speaks with wolves, he _must_ have a good taste in music!) When the hobbits came in, he thought it would be safe to talk to them, but again Faile became jealous. He couldn't even talk to her because _she_ was talking to Cara about the duty of controlling rampant men. How bothersome!

Meanwhile, Zaphoid and Mat were discussing the problems of going on quests and saving the world, etc. etc. and eventually Mat tricked one of Zaphoid's heads into a game of dice which Mat won (of course) over and over again. Eventually Arthur flew over, drunk as usual, and levitated above the card table while playing.

---

Back with Gandalf, Frank (remember, Richard's brother) comes in and talks to him.

"Aren't you tired of just sitting on the sidelines staring?" he said, "Come join the evil side! It's fun and we have nice manicurists! It's a lot nicer than torturing poor hobbits to go on journeys." After a while of thinking, Gandalf becomes convinced. "I am no longer Gandalf the Grey, I am now Gandalf who says Ni No, wait, Gandalf of Many Colours! (including melon pink!)" *evile music in background*


	4. On the road again -or- chews and SWALLOW...

(NOTE: I just went on a sucky two day vacation that passed through San Juan Capistrano which gives me this idea...)

Disclaimer: not mine, I converted a scene in a way from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

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Our Heroes Finally left Rivendell and Rand provided a gateway to California, as Los Angeles or Movieland would definitely be a good place to start off searching! (Ha!) Unfortunately, Rand didn't have that good of a picture of where they were going so they ended up in some desolate place in Orange County just off of the Freeway. "OOOH! Cars!" said Sam. "What?" said everyone from the other books. "oh, Mister Frodo and I saw some when I was talking about how far I've been from home." "Ahh, Hollywood mess-ups!" answered everyone else, with understanding. Speaking of Hollywood, they weren't quite there, and weren't exactly sure where they were either. "I see a town!" said Perrin. Everyone else scrambled looking, and Faile looked at her husband proudly. "That way!" he said, pointing. So they all marched off, Tuon and Kahlan ordering each other around the whole way. On the way, they found some rubber boats which they started clopping together to keep up the pace

Eventually they reached an odd town with an old brick building in the middle. "Halt, who goes there?" said the ticket person when they tried to enter the mission without paying. Tuon answered the call: "It is I, Tuon, Daughter of the Nine Moons, and this is my not-so-trusty servant Kahlan. We have Traveled here from Middle-Earth. And rode from some random place yonder." At the same time, Kahlan said: "It is I, Kahlan Amnel the Mother Confesser, and this is my not-so-trusty servant Tuon. We have Traveled here from Middle-Earth. And rode from some random place yonder." The ticket person replied, "What? Ridden on a horse?" to which Kahlan and Tuon answered simultaneously "Yes." 

Ticket person: But you're using toy boats!

K and T: What?

Ticket person: You've got two toy boats and you're banging them together.

Rand (tired of the girls competing and wanting to take over the conversation): So? We have ridden since the smoke of cars covered this land, through some random desolate place, through

TP: Where did you get the toy boats?

R: We found them

TP: Found them? where, out in that desolate area? Toy boats are man-made!

R: What do you mean?

TP: Well, this is the middle of nowhere

R: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land.

TP: Are you suggesting toy boats migrate?

R: Not at all, they could be carried

TP: What, a swallow carrying a toy boat?

other ticket person: The swallows are here already at Capistrano and that place has been cleared out. No matter what the facts are, all known swallows are in known locations

Random Person: I was wondering where that shipment of toy boats went! The truck overturned and the boats dissapeared! you can keep them, though. They're too sandy for market.

Rand (to the second ticket person): You seem to be a smart bloke, could you tell me how to get to Los Angeles?

TP2: HA! You seem to be a dumb bloke, it's about a hundred miles north of here

Rand (making a gateway): Thank you kindly

All book characters go through and into LA, the TPs stare at the hole in the air. "Where'd they go?" said one to the other. "Never mind, get back to work."


	5. Right Here in Hollywood

Note: LA is my home so I reserve the right to bash the transport, the weather, etc. Also, when DW appears that means me (Daniela)

Disclaimer: really, we all know that it's not mine. Note: Jay and Silent Bob kick major ass and I took a scene from their latest movie.

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So the crew find themselves in Hollywood, in the usual grey, cool, and not at all sunny weather. They find their way to a hotel, where they spend the night. Mat asks the concierge where the best place to play dice is, as he didn't see any taverns on his way. The guy at the desk looks at him strangely and then laughs, "Where do you think you are? Vegas is a few hundred miles that way!" he said, pointing vaguely east-ish. The next morning they get up and try to find someone who knows something about the movie. Thanks to Mat's luck they do. What happened was this: He dialed random numbers and a man (or something) picked up. Actually it was a recording which said, "As you dialed this number, I know who you are and what your quest is. Meet me at that building with the dark-green window thingies and tinted windows on Melrose at 12:15, during everyone else's lunch break, so it is private. Don't bring the whole group though, choose 7 of you only. Also, leave a message after the long evile sound. BEEEEEEEEP." In accordance with the cryptic message, Rand, Richard, Kahlan, Frodo, Zed, Zaphoid, and Arthur were elected to go to the meeting. Sam snuck along to "protect Mister Frodo" anyway, and Pippin and Merry obviously came along for the adventure, hiding in the shadows. So after an hour of trying to figure out the non-existent transport system, they arrived.

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Meanwhile, Elaine, Avhenda, Min, Mat, Perrin, and Faile were taking a stroll (ignoring the dirty looks they got from passing cars because _nobody_ walks in this fucked up city) and eventually they found themselves inside Borders. After noticing their books, some guy with a scragly-ish beard says, "You know they're making a movie about you." An uproar occurs.

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Faile: "Like, we've got to, like, stop this! They're probably going to have some jealous ugly bitch playing me!" 

Aside, Min, Elaine, and Avhenda sarcastically say: "So different from you!" 

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Mat and Perrin: "Who will play us??????" 

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A random Ben Affleck look-alike (or is he): "Probably Mat Damon and Ben Affleck. They play in a bunch of movies."

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All: "We've got to stop this!"

So they go to some movie lot and enter to see Mat Damon and Ben Afflek in the middle of a clothes drive.

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Director: Ready for Act 2 Scene 2 of Good Will Hunting III: Helping Out at Goodwill

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MD: Why do I _have_ to do this????!!!!???

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BA: Well, you're audience wants to see you doing something charitable, and you made me do that stupid Hunting Season thing.

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MD (pointing at WoT chars): Who are _they?_

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WoT people: AAAAAHHH!!!! *run away crazily*

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Elaine: Let's just forget about this, anyway, we _do_ live in another dimension or something

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All (still running away crazily): Good idea Elaine!

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Meanwhile, the people going to the meeting arrive on time, walking through a door with a sign above it that says "The Council of Al Roond" to witness a talking donkey (Elrond = Butt = Ass = Donkey). "Hi" It said. "I'm Al Roond, the man behind the movies and Hollywood in general. You guys have a quest, if anyone besides you book characters from other universes find out the secret of the watermelon, the world will come to an end, so you need to find the reason and destroy the evidence."

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Pippin (sneaking out from behind a curtain): You need people of intelligence if you are going to go on this mission--(pause)---------------------------------quest--(pause)-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------pizza.

*pandemonium breaks out*

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Arthur: Ford _warned_ me of the importance of lunch breaks!!!!!!

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DW: CUT!!!!! CUT!!!!!!!!! Please, let's get this under control and sort this out!!!

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Gandalf (appearing in tie-die robes): You fool of a took! You disturbed me from my "Bad Guy's convention" with your stupidity! Read the bloody scri

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Voice: Say fuck, will you, these filler bad words are getting on my nerves!

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Gandalf: You're supposed to say "Mission-------Quest------------------------------Thing." Just bloody

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Voice: Fucking!

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Gandalf: Just BLOODY get it right next time!

A delivery van appears with a "Just say Fuck" bumper sticker on it.

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All (except Voice, Gandalf, and Al): Yay, Pizza!

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Pippin (to Gandalf): A pizza _is_ a thing, you idiot!

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Al Roond: Is all you can think about food?

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Arthur and Zaphoid: Well, there's a guide book based on lunch-breaks!!

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DW: Just go about your Journey! All you book people! NOW!

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Al Roond: Use my Van, it's out back

*All book characters get back together and pack into the van for a LOOONG journey*

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JOIN US FOR CHAPTER 6-Parody on Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels coming up.


	6. Vans and Crumpets

Vans and Crumpets  
  
A/N: I apologize but I go kind of crazy toward the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next (I started it but it's coming tomorrow-ish) damned single-sex schools! "please don't take me away mommy, I'll be sane, I promise!" *Lews Therin laughs madly around my head* I didn't want to take out the odd parts because it would kinda mess up my train of thought (CHOOOOO----- "ono! the train just ran over an ant! call an ambulance!") so just bear with me, honey, for a minute or two!  
  
So, where we left off our "heroes" (just for the purpose of noting let's list them: Rand, Mat, Perrin, Min, Avhenda, Elaine, Faile Tuon, Richard, Zed, Kahlan, Cara, Frodo, Bilbo, Pippin, Merry, Sam, Zaphoid, Zem, and Arthur) were comfortably packed into the front two rows of a van when they heard a small "meep" spring from behind (boing!). Our characters spotted… "What's a fookin' traffic warden doing in the van?" freed from the piles of pondwater (money used only by the great aunts of planet theta (ahh! angles!) who ironically were the size of small pimples and only used it to buy purple and yellow Lakers caps) all of a sudden, the traffic warden saw… an old man by the bridge between the boot and the front seats (a.k.a. the Bridgewarden!)  
  
TW: AAH! I hate bridgewardens.  
  
BW: You shall not pass unless you answer me these questions five (Voice: three) BW: three.  
  
TW: Speak, Bridgewarden, I am not afraid  
  
BW: What is your name?  
  
TW: Theodore Johnson Caligula Apeus Fredrick Sternum Lucifer Angelicus Joseph Bach-Picasso  
  
All: o_O  
  
BW: Umm, okay, where was I, oh yeah… What is your quest?  
  
TJCAFSLAJB-P: To get out of this (beep)ing piece of (beep) that you (beep)ing (beep) call a (beep)ing van so I can go back to giving people tickets  
  
BW: What is your favorite colour?  
  
TJCAFSLAJB-P: Well, it's kind of a greenish colour, but not exactly. what I do to make it is take some perr…  
  
Richard: AAAAAHHHHH! An artistic Traffic Warden! Knock him out, Cara!  
  
So somebody finally knocked out the Traffic Warden and there was much rejoicing. (*dully*: yey.)  
  
(A/N: I know I promised Lock Stock Parody, that was it. (hah! I'm evile, like the leggo thing.) Also, I just can't resist putting in MPHG stuffies.)  
  
When Cara knocked out the TW. the BW disappeared as well (and there was much rejoicing, yey.) Incedentaly, our "heroes" came across a store which accepted pondwater as a currency and all 20 characters got a Lakers cap, and they bot an extra to send as a present to Shai'tan/the Keeper/Sauron. It turns out Pippin was also able to buy "suspendies and a bra" for some MAASHROOMZE he found in his pocket (A/N: Pippin IS lumberjack! Also, go see borders of mordor stuffies) Zaphoid stole some ballpoint pens, "What's the point of buying them if they keep on slipping into other dimensions!" and then they were off! (ROAD TRIP!!) actually, first they stopped by for Tea and Crumpets at Daniela and Bobby Bob's house (Bobby Bob is my bike) and Frodo, Bilbo, Merry, and Pippin were confused by the Hobbitishness of her brother (A/N (again!): my brother is a hobbit! he just gets really offended when I call him one) and started asking him hobbit-to-hobbit questions as someone named Belaruse (he is Gandalf the Pink's grandmother) popped out of thin air and back into thin air again. Zem was meanwhile enthralled by Daniela's pillows and started petting them (I don't know how a mattress can pet something, it just can!) Mat promptly fell in love with Daniela and we went outside for a minute or two…  
  
Min and Cara became infatuated with Nirvana and System of a Down as they listened to my CDs and Rand, Richard, and Perrin watched Marx Brothers movies. Bilbo and the girls (sans Cara or Min) were actually having tea and crumpets and Tuon choked on a pretzel and had to leave because of the drastic medical emergency involved in such matters. (A/.N: Hey! I needed to find a way to get Mat to myself!) eventually, the poor things had to leave (NUUU! MAT!) and asked me where they should go next to which I replied…  
  
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PLEASE REVIEW AND GIVE IDEAS! =) ~The Flying Cabbage 


	7. Dis-knee-lund

Chapter 7: Dis-knee-lund

Daisy: Lund? What kind of word is that?

Bobby Bob: Shut up dog, you aren't physically able to talk!

Daisy: Ha, and I suppose a bike has a much easier time doing that?

Daniela: AAAAH, the MST is spreading to my household pets! Now peeps are commenting on the titles!

Bobby Bob: I'm not a pet

It starts:

On their way to a place that the author is leaving disclosed to create an element of suspense (*suspenseful music*) the Not-quite-as-fell-as Tolkein's-owship stopped by past Disneyland (*more suspenseful music* *gasps of horror ring from the crowd*) Mat walked dazed and dreamy-eyed through the game booths where he won 3,200 stuffed animals (including an Aragorn plushie for Helen!) he sent DW the giant Eeyore with a note: "Love from your lucky friend" and a rose (aww!)

(A/N: AH! My fantasies about Mat are takng over the story! moo! how fell! (but he is rather sexy) ah, ok, I'll stop before my audience gets TOO scared (btw, reviewers, I'm NOT high, though Kurt is alive and he and Mat are coming to get me) down, Daniela, easy girl! Sorry for interupting the story, but, hell! can you interupt yourself? (yes!) shut up Danie-(stop it you! let your inner self come out and take over damn it!) ah, okay. The more I look at guys I can't have (ah, X) the more I escape into fantasy. =P on with the show!)

k, mat won stuff, (sigh) on with the story.

~*~ The tale of Sir um, Sirs, um I mean HOBBITS Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Frodo ~*~

So the owship went on its way curving through many fell and wondrous things (I _know_ they don't seem to go together, but who's writing the story?) The young hobbits separated from the group to see...

"LOOK!! It's Pirates! I wonder if they are anything like Panda, or Maashroomze!" Cried our lovable Pippin.

Frodo: Let's go check!

~So our hairy footed friends embarked on a journey through the plastic boats of The Pirates of the Carribean!~

*The suspensful music people are bored and decided to play the Sit on my Face song instead*

Someone: AAAAAHHH!! That song is JUST NOT RIGHT!

Music Director: *snickers*...*eats the snickers*

DW: Yeah, okay, now back to the hobbits...

Off they went on their plastic wooden boat, a nice ride and then...

Merry: AAUGH! Pippin! Is that skull going to eat us?

Pippin: I DUN'T NUUUU!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

*they drop into...*

gunshots ring...

Sam: "I'll keep you out of trouble Mister Frodo!" *Jumps into water to battle the guys firing the shots* "AAAH! This seat can't come off! Oh, wait, it did. AAAH! I can't swim!! AAAH!"

Person on another boat: "I've been on this ride 3,200 times and have never seen a drowning hobbit here before. Wait... he's not a part of the ride! *saves Sam*

Sam: "Fiend!" *tries to stab him with a piece of string* "Gaah, why won't this work?"

Pippin: *whispering to Merry* "Fool of a Gamgee!"

Bill the Pony: For once I shall not say Ney!

Pippin: =) but wait, how did you... *looks to see Bill had disappeared* Oh well!

They arrive at the end of the ride with a _slightly_ wet Sam and go find something to eat

~*~ The tale of Sir Meanwhile...

---ThIs PrOgRaM hAs BeEn InTeRuPtEd FoR tEcHnIcAl ReAsOnS---

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In the studio:

Daniela and her newly discovered alter-ego: GAAH TITLE PERSON! It's not SIR meanwhile, it's just meanwhile!

Phred the blue alien: Yeah! humph

Bobby Bob the red bike: HE did it!

Bobby Joe the blue bike: HE did it!

D, DAE, and Phred: I knew we shouldn't have left bikes in charge of the titles. They messed up the caps as well! Damned pets.

BB and BJ: IT WASN'T ME! and I'm a BIKE, **NOT** a pet

Daisy and Fungus the Rat: Woof, calling them pets is demeaning to us!

The Brother: And I'm not a hobbit.

DAE: I never said you were a hobbit, hobbit.

Phred: So lets sack the bikes and hire someone else!

Llama person: AEE! Llama, llama!

---We Llamas now return to are original Llama programming---

...Llamas Meanwhile...

---Strike that, back to the studio!---

__

Daniela: No llamas, please! and no Møøses or tales of Sirs or whatever either

Llamas, møøses, and Sirs: *dejectedly* alright.

Daniela: Good, now on with the show.

---We now really return to our original programming, but sacked the already-non-existant horses and the toy boats and replaced them with coconuts---

...Meanwhile ~*~

Arthur, Mat, Rand, his haruumm, Perrin, Faile, and various other people were walking along when oddly enough they came across a copy of As You Like It. Arthur Picked it up and started reading.

Arthur: All the world's a stage, / And all the men and women merely players...

Mat: Though none so much as Rand al'Thor

Avhenda: I resent that.

Faile: If all the men and women are merely players then I was right, you ARE cheating on me!

Perrin: o_O?

Berelain *popping out of thin air*: come to me, my love!

Perrin: AAAAAHHHH! *runs straight into Snow White's..., Faile begins to smell INCREDIBLY jealous

Snow White: Ahh, a Prince. Have you come to rescue me?

Faile: He's not a Prince, he's my Wolf Lord.

Perrin: I'm not a lord either! just stop bowing to me! I am a BLACKSMITH!

Random Blacksmith: I didn't want to be a Blacksmith, I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! *music starts and dies off as Perrin says:*

Perrin: Very well then, you can have the job of felling the damned forests of Two Rivers while I take your job. But try to keep your crazy cross-dressing outings to other towns!

Random Blacksmith: Of cou... *is hacked to death by an Ent*

Ent: Darn Lumberjacks! by the way, will you donate to the "Find the Entwives" charity?

Child: Wow! I wanna go on that ride mommy!

Mother: o_O Disneyland sure has changed since I was young...

*Blacksmith's wife starts taking earlobes of corn and lobbing them at the ent*

Ent: WAAAH! I want my ENTWIFE!!!!

*Ent is disappeared by Lews Therin*

Lanfear/Cyndane: I love you again!

Lews Therin: EEEW! AAH! Get away freak!

*Al Roond appears*

Al Roond: "Aha! So now I must thwart you!"

All but Mat: o_O?

Mat: Oh, I see, this _isn't_ really a dangerous quest, you just wanted to thwart us! one hint: you should try coming next time when we are actually doing something, not hanging about.

*Al starts bawling* WWAAAH! I nevew wanted to be in the stowy! I just wanted to wisten to Bwitney and weaw my happy buttafwy cwips! But the stoopidhead stowy makew made me! WAAAAH!!!! And It's so much more fun being an agent! Hiyah! maybe then Bwitney would like me! And I can thwart you all!! MOOHAHA!!!

Arthur: You mean I really _didn't_ have to go on this quest?

Mat: Duh! I'm just pulled along by his royal highness there. And the prospect of a nice, juicy watermelon!

Rand: Whatever, I still want to know about that watermelon. But this means we can spend more time at Disneyland!!!! HOORAY!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Actually to be continued...


End file.
